Mom Tears

As mothers, we have so many jobs to do. If you ask me, we deserve a trophy at least once a week!
But, alas, that is not the reason we do the things we do. Some of us moms are lucky. I would say
my mom is one of them, for the most part. She had four of us and we were all healthy growing up.
Besides the typical cold, flu or cough that would go around, we were all mostly fine.

Do not get me wrong, she had a hell of a lot to do. Four kids with school and sports activities
and a full time job. No wonder I caught her crying on several different occasions. And as I was so
delicately told when I was a child, I would not understand why until I had children of my own.
I do now. Especially now.

I miss my kids being babies. I am sure my mother said this a time or two when we were teens.
A lot of you may not agree but they are so much easier! Eat, shit, sleep, repeat. I mean, how difficult
is that? I miss losing sleep because they were hungry, had a bad dream or threw up every once in a
while, not because of chronic health issues. I am here to say I understand your mom tears.

Momma tears are not always sad tears. I would say most of the time they are tired tears.
Not just regular tired after a long day but exhaustion. The type of exhaustion where you take
cat naps throughout the day and pray for an hour nap. Other times they are from relentless anger,
unending frustration or insurmountable helplessness. The angry tears are the type you want
to use to sell your kids on e-bay because who wouldn't feel sorry for you with that picture! Sometimes,
Momma tears are happy tears. Not only to confuse the children but to look back and appreciate
how far we have come. Relief tears that our children woke up in the morning. And sometimes
joyous tears because we got to use the bathroom all by ourselves! Let's not forget the tears out of fear.
Not fear of who our children are or what they do but fear of who we are not. Fear of failure.

Another thing I didn't know when I saw my mom cry and learned later was the tears help us cope.
The tears hug our cheeks with cool liquid so we feel. Feel that we are in fact alive,
that we are in fact human. Feel even though feeling might be to much and we don't want to.
Feel what we think we shouldn't. So many things about motherhood are uneasy, unorthodox
or uncomfortable; the only thing we think about it how much or how often we fail them. We put
so much pressure on ourselves to be all and do all. I'm here to tell you. It's OK not to be all or do all.
It's OK to let the tears roll. It's OK NOT TO BE OK.

Whatever your tears mean, it's ok. Let them come. Let them hug your cheek. Let them help you feel
so you don't lose sight of who you are.


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